Read the poem, “Suicide Note” and complete annotations focusing on Speaker/Persona, Subject/Message, Organization, Audience, and other rhetorical strategies---You May Want To Focus on Syntax, Diction, and Tone! Use your annotations to help you write a Rhetorical Analysis Claim Statement and Defend in a paragraph or more.
89 Comments
Matthew Wheeler
11/4/2021 02:54:18 pm
The narrator uses metaphors and syntax to illustrate her purpose of apologizing to her parents for not being good enough for them. Throughout the second half of the text the narrator uses a metaphor about her being a fragile bird to emphasize how she views herself as not strong enough. When the narrator says “this sparrow sillied and dizzied” the narrator is conveying that she will never be good enough because she is not a boy. The narrator views being a girl as weaker and uses this metaphor to apologize to her parents for not being what they wanted. Similarly the narrator uses lots of syntax, by using fragmented lines, especially toward the last few lines of the poem to show her last few minutes of life. The narrator demonstrates this syntax by putting spaces between the lines to emulate her staggered breathing, also when she says “breast of earth” it copies the moment when she hits the ground and dies. She feels that she needs to die, as a result of disappointing her parents because she got a bad grade and because she is not a boy.
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July
11/7/2021 10:14:11 am
You never talked about impact on audience.
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NOAH MICHAUD
11/7/2021 03:02:17 pm
I agree because the metaphors are very strong in this poem and show the narrators purpose of conveying how she feels as though not only she failed her parents for getting a bad grade but also for not being a male.
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Amy Zeledon
11/11/2021 01:48:39 pm
I agree with your idea on how the narrator uses the metaphor, “ this sparrow sillied and dizzied” while describing herself as being a fragile bird to emphasize how she views herself as not good enough and weak. I would have elaborated with a metaphor; “ ...Shoulders broad as the sunset threading through pine.” The narrator uses this metaphor to illustrate how she views being born a boy, she uses this metaphor to compare to her being born a woman and being fragile. The narrator uses this metaphor not only to compare later to being a“sparrow sillied and dizzied” On how a woman is weaker and will fail but to make her parents acknowledge and bring attention to the impact that her parents goals and want made her take her life, while apologizing for not being born the boy they wanted.
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Devan Shah
11/11/2021 04:31:37 pm
I agree that the metaphors were a key part in illustrating the narrators purpose. I agree with the choice of the metaphor, "breast of the earth" and I love your thoughts from that phrase. I agree how it means that she hit the ground and the reasoning behind it as well.
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Nivedha Prathap Chandran
11/4/2021 04:23:16 pm
The narrator efficiently uses elongated but brisk syntax to illustrate her message of being sorry for not being good enough no matter how hard she tried, to her audience which are her parents. The narrator establishes her sentences as short sentences visually but in terms of literature, they are very elongated but brisk due to the frequent commas or other punctuation; for example “I would swagger through life, muscled and bold and assured drawing praises to me like currents in the bed of wind, virile with confidence.” Her use of long sentences with frequent intervals portrays to her audience how much effort she put into her work, her achievements fell short and her failures felt longer and more painful. The commas emphasize how there is always something stopping her from reaching her goals and others’ expectations. Her audience would have had an “aha” moment completely discerning the narrator’s perspective and the strenuous work that had to be put in by her, but never felt as if enough. Her effective use of phrases, for example, "I apologize. Tasks do not come easily. Each failure, a glacier... So I have worked hard. not good enough," lucidly emphasizes how no matter how much effort she put into every task that she does, she's never good enough. The short pauses and the lack of capitalization in the specific phrase “not good enough” elaborate to the audience how her efforts are put all the way through like the big sentences but disapproval from her parents and her failures always somehow make sure she falls short. Her message of apologizing for not being good enough whether it was her 4.0 GPA or for simply being a woman, is evidently portrayed through her use of syntax, specifically long sentences that have frequent stops just like her life efforts.
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July
11/8/2021 05:22:54 am
Vary the way you integrate your quotes.
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Jack Vuong
11/9/2021 10:26:38 am
I agree with your statement that Mirikitani uses elongated but brisk syntax to illustrate to her parents that she is sorry for not being good enough. Although your paragraph in general is good, I think it would benefit from a few changes. One example is in your third sentence:
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Reyna Lee
11/10/2021 07:39:20 am
I agree with what you stated about the "elongated but brisk" syntax that was shown. We see some sections of the poem with long sentences with lots of drawn out detail, and others that are straight to the point and abrupt. She does this to emphasize her mixed emotions and frequent hold ups in life, like you said. I really like how you added the point of "The commas emphasize how there is always something stopping her from reaching her goals and others’ expectations." because I hadn't thought of it that way.
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Eunice Sapu
11/4/2021 06:15:24 pm
The narrator uses metaphors and syntax in the text to convey her purpose of why she’s apologizing to her parents. In the second stanza of the text, the narrator compares herself to a bird with fragile wings which emphasizes how she views herself as a weak person. Earlier in the note, the narrator explains how she wishes she were male so that her parents could be happy and so their life could be easier. This creates a contrast between her comparing herself to a fragile bird and being a male because she thinks if she was a guy she’d be stronger and life would be easier for her and her parents. The narrator uses syntax in her note by using a bunch of short sentences and fragmented lines throughout her writing. The narrator defines her syntax at the end of the writing by using fragmented lines indicating her slowly dying and her staggered breathes after jumping from her window. We can also see where she defines her syntax throughout the text where she talks about herself using shorter sentences while her longer sentences where she talks about her being male. Showing how her life would be better if she was a guy.
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ambar g
11/6/2021 07:48:21 pm
i agree and i also love your paragraph i think you explained everything perfectly but i think you could use some evidence since i noticed you don’t give much evidence, like at the begging of your paragraph when you said “ in the second stanza of the text, the narrator compares herself to a bird with fragile wings” there you could add this evidence “perched on the ledge of my womanhood, fragile as wings”, but like i said i think your paragraph was still very good.
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July
11/8/2021 05:24:59 am
You are allowed to paraphrase, but it should be a mixture of paraphrases and direct textual evidence.
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NOAH MICHAUD
11/4/2021 06:26:41 pm
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Matthew Wheeler
11/7/2021 06:05:36 am
I agree with your take on the assignment, mainly because you made sure to prove your claims with textual evidence. Even though you found and used two different rhetorical devices than I did, you made sure it worked and made sense. Something I found interesting about your response is how you used diction and repetition where commonly if someone uses diction they pair it with tone. Also I feel like I am being yelled at whenever I read your name above the post. But other than one or two things, I find that we picked up on similar devices in the text yet took them in different directions.
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July
11/8/2021 05:53:53 am
You talked about how your evidence connects to her purpose, but what about how the audience (Asian-American community) would react to what she is saying. Remember, good commentary explains the example, talks about impact on audience, and connects to purpose.
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Jennifer Dintu
11/4/2021 06:58:40 pm
“Suicide Note” by Janice Mirikitani illustrates the use of syntax to reveal her purpose of apologizing for not exceeding parents expectations such as perfect grades or fulfilling your so called gender role, and for not being good enough. The narrator apologizes for not being “...good enough not strong enough not smart enough.” Using syntax, the narrator breaks down the depressed messages, in particular “not good enough”. She apologizes for “Each failure, a glacier. Each disapproval, a bootprint. Each disappointment, ice above my river.” She´s apologizing for tasks not coming easy to her, despite all the effort she puts in. Not only does she bring up her failures and letdowns, but the narrator also uses words such as glacier and ice which indicate a dark mindset of being lost in a storm of burdens and seeing no way out except suicide. “Not strong enough” expresses the idea of being a “fragile” “woman”, because women are portrayed as weak. She's apologizing for being weak and for not being born a son. “If only I were a son,...pride reflected in my father's dream...I would swagger through life...drawing praises to me…” If she was a son, her life would be better and would bring more praise to her. If she was a son, she wouldn't have failed so much and would have been more powerful. The narrator also views herself as “not smart enough” because if she was, she would have been making better choices both in education and life. If she was smart enough, she would have a 4.0 gpa. If she was smart enough she would excel in her classes. “It is snowing steadily, surely not good weather for flying - this sparrow sillied and dizzied by the wind…” Again, terms such as snowing and wind help us visualize the storm of difficulties the narrator faces. The narrator describes herself as a sparrow but instead of being powerful, the bird is mimicked and puzzled by the wind. Because the narrator views herself as “not good enough not strong enough not smart enough”, she apologizes to her parents, applying syntax to explain her reasons for expressing forgiveness.
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July
11/8/2021 06:02:25 am
“Suicide Note” by Janice Mirikitani illustrates the use of syntax to reveal her purpose of apologizing for not exceeding parents expectations such as perfect grades or fulfilling your so called gender role, and for not being good enough.----Your topic sentence is a little confusing and written awkwardly. Are you talking about the narrator or the author. Depending on which, the purpose is different. I do not think the narrator is apologizing for not fulfilling her gender role.
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Jack Vuong
11/4/2021 08:38:00 pm
In the poem “Suicide Note,” Janice Mirikitani repeats self-disparaging phrases to advance her message that high expectations from parents can cause students to commit suicide. Mirikitani’s initial use of self-disparaging phrases can be found in line 3 of the poem: “not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough, dear mother and father.” Thereafter, Mirikitani restates this phrase nearly identically in lines 22 and 48. Additionally, Mirikitani repeats similar phrases throughout the poem: “I’ve worked very hard, not good enough” (Mirikitani 7), “So I have worked hard. not good enough” (Mirikitani 29-30), “...my womanhood, fragile as wings. not strong enough” (Mirikitani 34). Through these phrases, Mirikitani expresses that the speaker cannot fulfill her parent’s expectations by saying that she is “not good enough”, “pretty enough”, “smart enough”, and so forth. When Mirikitani repeats these phrases, she is able to indicate to the audience that the phrases are important due to the fact that they reoccur so often. With the topic of the poem being the speaker’s apology to her parents leading up to her suicide, Mirikitani’s emphasis on the speaker being unbale to fulfill her parent’s expectations makes the audience more inclined to believe her parent’s high expectations had a role in influencing the speaker’s decision to commit suicide. In turn, advancing her Mirikitani’s message that high expectations from parents can cause students to commit suicide.
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Emily P
11/7/2021 05:40:38 pm
I agree, Mirikitani repeats many phrases similar to “not good enough not strong enough not good enough”, to convey the depression and crushing feeling in children with parents who carry such high expectations of them, never feeling as though they’ll ever be able to live up to the perfect image they’re “supposed to”. Through that repetition, she makes her audience wonder if they are doing the same thing to their children, eventually driving them to that extreme because of a mistake they feel endlessly berated for, wishing they weren’t born so someone better could’ve taken their place instead, grief instilled inside of them as some learn they may have been responsible for losing a piece of their family. Mirikitani, through “Suicide Note”, implores parents to understand the burdens their children carry through the education system, the devastation they feel when their efforts are never realized or appreciated, lectured time and time again for something they tried their hardest on, and help parents realize they can change the way they treat their children, prevent these tragedies by changing their expectations from such drastic perfection to a more manageable normal.
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Beckett May
11/10/2021 06:12:55 am
I agree, Mirikitani's repeated use of the words "not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough" and other phrases meant to degrade the speaker. This repetition and the fact that this is written as an apology to the speakers parents push the message that she has missed her parents expectations and that she has failed them. Other parts of that line and similar phrases were seen elsewhere in the poem, reinforcing that they were simply "not enough". This helps push the message to parents that putting too much pressure on their children to do well in school can hurt a lot more than it can help, possibly leading to their children committing suicide.
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Addison Carnow
11/4/2021 08:59:58 pm
The narrator uses repetition of the phrases “not good enough”, “not pretty enough”, and “not smart enough”, as well as similes to achieve her purpose of apologizing to her parents for having less than a four-point grade average. In the poem, the narrator uses that particular phrase many different ways, and in stanza 1, after wishing “If only I were a son, shoulders broad”(Line 10), she says, “not good enough not strong enough not good enough”(Line 22). This emphasizes to her parents that she is sorry that she is not good enough to them because of her gender. This forces her parents to reevaluate whether they should be disappointed in her because of her gender, which she cannot control. In the poem, the narrator uses a simile to express life as a male: “I would swagger through life muscled and bold and assured, drawing praises to me like currents in the bed of wind, virile with confidence” (Line 17). This simile suggests to her parents that their standards are too much for a woman, and she cannot fulfill all of their goals because she is a woman. Doing this will lead to her parents feeling sorry for being too hard on her, and forgiving her for all of her “failures” (Line 25). Overall, as she uses comparisons with similes and emphasizing of her not being good enough, creates a solemn effect on the audience, making the poem a perfect apology to her parents.
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July
11/8/2021 06:17:10 am
This emphasizes to her parents that she is sorry that she is not good enough to them because of her gender. This forces her parents to reevaluate whether they should be disappointed in her because of her gender, which she cannot control. ------Sounds redundant.
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Reyna Lee
11/5/2021 04:12:31 am
The narrator uses repetition in order to establish her purpose of apologizing to her parents. She uses the phrases, “not good enough… not strong enough… not pretty enough… not smart enough” continuously throughout the entire poem to emphasize the struggle she feels. She is using this repetition to continuously apologize to her parents for not being up to their high standards. This is also being used to emphasize her mental health falling into a downward spiral as the phrase, “not good enough” is the most used phrase in the entire poem. When repeating these words, she uses long, incomplete sentences. This is seen in the sentence, “not good enough not strong enough not good enough”. She uses the repetition of ‘not good enough’ twice in a single sentence to show how she is centering in on the fact that because she isn’t strong enough or smart enough or pretty enough, she must be a failure or not good enough for her parents. In the sentence example as well, she doesn’t capitalize any words or use punctuation like she does throughout the rest of the poem. This is seen through syntax as a run on sentence, which conveys a deep emotional connection to the words she’s telling her parents. There is lots of emotion behind those words and it is represented as her thoughts, and this can be seen by the way she doesn’t correctly start the sentence with capitalization or end it with punctuation. It’s almost explaining what is going through her head as she is writing the rest of the poem. This repetition is overall her convincing herself that she is worthless and not good enough out of feeling a loss of control and desiring fufillness in her life. Another example of repetition is when she repeats the metaphor of a sparrow. She uses this bird to represent herself by saying, “surely not good weather for flying - this sparrow sillied and dizzied by the wind on the edge… this air will not hold me, the snow burdens my crippled wings,”. These quotes are representing how she feels like a bird caught in a blizzard, helpless and alone. In the end the narrator says, “they will bury my bird bones beneath a sturdy pine and scatter my feathers like unspoken song,”. She is very apologetic about being ‘a sparrow’ in this case, and is hoping once she ends her life her parents will see her as important and remember her like they would a son. In this metaphor, her calling herself a sparrow represents her being a woman, and she knows that she’ll never be enough for her parents. Why would her parents be proud to have a helpless daughter, like a bird who is less than perfect, instead of a strong son who they could be proud of?
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NOAH MICHAUD
11/7/2021 01:47:14 pm
I agree because repetition is so frequently used in this poem that it is definitely a purposeful rhetorical device placement because it is conveying to the audience how the narrator feels like she disappointing her parents and that she is apologizing for not getting a 4.0
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July
11/8/2021 09:20:29 am
Very good. Only comment, do not forget to talk about the impact on her parents.
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Nivedha Prathap Chandran
11/10/2021 03:53:17 pm
I agree with your thesis statement but I particular agree with your statement that explains how the girl "is very apologetic about being ‘a sparrow’ in this case, and is hoping once she ends her life her parents will see her as important and remember her like they would a son." It's obvious in the poem that the girl feels guilt, sorrow, remorse for not being good enough. The girl clearly illustrates to her readers and her audience how she feels by comparing herself to a sparrow. The audience, her parents, and us, the readers have now completely comprehended the fact that the cause or reasoning behind her decision to end her life is to have a way to be acknowledged by her parents as if she were important and she were a son. So she could finally live up to their expectations but live her reality at the same time without it feeling like the whole world's weight is on her shoulders as a burden.
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Devan Shah
11/11/2021 04:37:16 pm
I agree that the repetition were a key part in establishing the narrators purpose. I love your thoughts on how when the narrator says that she is "not good enough" or "not strong enough," you see it as how she exemplifies that this is the main reason. I like how you talk about the syntax relating to the quote, furthermore proving your reasoning.
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Daniela Betancourt
11/5/2021 04:20:19 am
In the Suicide Note, the narrator uses repetition and syntax to convey the feeling of pressure by her parents of not being able to receive a four-point grade average and the pressure of being a woman and not being good enough in the eyes of her parents compared to the males. At the beginning of the Suicide Note, the constant repetition of the narrator saying, “not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough” is to emphasize the fact that the narrator was overwhelmingly depressed and would criticize herself for not having the grades her parents wanted from her or be the male in the family. The note continues by going into detail about why the narrator felt like she wasn’t “good enough, pretty enough or smart enough” by rearranging the way the phrase is arranged, throughout the note she writes “not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough” all together in a sentence but towards the end, she uses syntax to space out the words and goes in-depth as to why she felt like why she wasn’t enough, in the text it says, “So I have worked hard. Not good enough” describing how even though she gave it her all in the assignments it still was not enough to allow her to get the grades her parents wanted creating the pressure on the college student to be this academic perfect student for her parents. The narrator continues by saying, “perched on the ledge of my womanhood. fragile as wings. not strong enough” illustrating that since she is a female she’s not strong enough compared to a male and she’s not strong enough to continue with life due to all the pressure she is receiving from her parents and feeling like she’s not enough as a female. The narrator ends that specific stanza by going back to repeating “not good enough not strong enough not smart enough” altogether to once against emphasizing for the last time how critical she was of herself because that whole stanza was mainly talking about the narrator as a female and how deeply depressed she was due to all the pressure to have good grades and how she felt she was not enough as a female. Syntax was shown throughout the Suicide Note by illustrating the narrator taking her last few breaths by spacing out the sentence as if her breathes were staggering and ending the poem with “breast of earth” which implies how she passed away by falling and hitting the ground. The narrator uses longer sentences when comparing how her life would be like if she was a male, by saying, “If only I were a son, shoulders broad as the sunset threading through pine, I would see the light in my mother's eyes, or the golden pride reflected in my father's dream of my wide, male hands worthy of work and comfort.” The narrator creates short lines when talking about herself to illustrate how her life is running thin by saying, “I apologize. Tasks do not come easily...So I have worked hard. not good enough...Choices thin as shaved ice.” The contrast in length between the lines show how if the narrator was a male then she would feel more praised in life and wouldn’t feel all the pressure she is feeling as a female, the narrator would not feel like she is running out of time if she was a male because of the contrast between how parents treat males over females.
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July
11/8/2021 09:23:23 am
Really good; however, you never talked about the impact on the audience.
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Nivedha Prathap Chandran
11/10/2021 04:01:23 pm
I agree with your reasoning behind why the narrator used two specifically different types of sentences, long and short. The narrator clearly sees herself negatively, she thinks she is not good enough, strong enough, or smart enough. The short sentences are used to signify how close her life is to be ended. Her life is, like you mentioned, "running thin" and she's not going to be here in a while. The long sentences emphasize how glorious and satisfactory her life would be to not only herself but her parents also if she were a girl. She compares "how her life would be like if she was a male," as you said, she thinks that her life would be longer and simply better is she was born a boy into her family.
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Beckett May
11/5/2021 04:46:49 am
The narrator used syntax to convey to her parents her message that she is sorry for letting them down so many times with her failures. The narrator primarily used sentence fragments, such as “I apoligize / for dissapointing you,” and “Each disappointment / ice above my river.” These sentence fragments create a sense of being rushed, but the broken sentences seem like it releases so much emotion, each sentence a burden lifted, admitting failure to her parents. It creates a greater sense of sadness and makes the apology seem more genuine, and everything she says she is sorry for, whether it is actually her fault or not, is something she feels she did to disappoint her parents. At the end of the poem, the last 5 lines were spaced out in a manner that replicates someone’s last breaths, spaced out and brief as they try to refrain from dying. Those final lines, which were, “Perhaps when they find me / they will bury my bird bones beneath / a sturdy pine / and scatter my feathers like / unspoken song over this white and cold and silent / breast of earth,” benefit from the syntax that was used as it creates the sense of the narrator’s final breaths as they descend to the “breast of earth,” or the ground. While her death would send a message to her parents about what they wanted the narrator to be, the narrator’s message to her parents is that they no longer need to be disappointed, and they can forget about their child’s failures because she is no longer alive. By using the metaphor that she is a bird and saying that once she is found they will “bury her bird bones,” she also implies that she is weak, a result of her not meeting the high standards that her parents have for her.
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Matthew Wheeler
11/7/2021 06:04:57 am
I agree with your interpretation of the text because we had several pieces of evidence in common. For instance your use of syntax in the last few lines of the poem showing the final moments of the narrator's life. Also I liked your analysis of the narrator's metaphor of being a bird and how it compared to her viewpoint of how weak she is. Something I found interesting in your response is how you related her death to sending a message to her parents. Overall I feel like we had similar messages with the exception of a few small details.
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July
11/8/2021 09:28:40 am
he narrator primarily used sentence fragments, such as “I apoligize / for dissapointing you,” and “Each disappointment / ice above my river.” These sentence fragments create a sense of being rushed,---You did not give enough detail about WHY the sense of being rushed.
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Nivedha Prathap Chandran
11/10/2021 04:09:12 pm
I agree with your perception of the differences of the narrator's use of long versus short sentences. The short sentences symbolize how close her life is to being ended because she never felt good enough and how there was always stopping her from achieving her goals. As you mentioned, she's subtly hinting how "her life is running thin," and the clock is rapidly ticking. Her use of long sentences, are used almost enviously. You stated how she compared herself to a son to see "would be like if she was a male." Would she have made her parents proud? Made herself proud? Would she have a higher GPA?The longer sentences are also hinting at how her life would be longer and much more glorious and satisfactory to not only herself but to her parents as well is she were a son.
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Finna Young
11/5/2021 05:31:58 am
In the piece “Suicide note”, by Janice Mirikitani, the narrator uses metaphors and repetition of the phrase(s) “not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough” to convey her purpose of apologizing to her parents for not fulfilling their expectations of her. The narrator continuously uses metaphors that portray her problems with snow/ice-related diction, “I apologize. Tasks do not come easily. Each failure a glacier...each disappointment, ice above my river.”, and metaphors that convey herself as a bird, wings delicate and struggling under the weight of her stressors, “The snow burdens my crippled wings..”. These uses of figurative language affect the reader because they instill clear pictures and feelings in the reader's mind, allowing them to further sympathize with the narrator, and better understand her writing purpose. Throughout the poem, the narrator repeats the phrase “not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough”, and follows with the apologies for her faults. She says “not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough dear mother and father. I apologize for disappointing you.”, and “not good enough not strong enough not good enough. I apologize. Tasks do not come easily..” this syntactic choice is effective because it helps the narrator illustrate her remorse and sorrow, and helps the reader to perceive her thoughts, emotions, and motivations.
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Addison Carnow
11/7/2021 09:21:57 am
I agree with your ideas about the text because you used almost the exact same rhetorical devices as me, but had different examples. I really liked how you said Mirikitani used many metaphors about ice/snow. I never noticed that, and it elevated my understanding of why she used those words.
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July
11/8/2021 09:34:06 am
These uses of figurative language affect the reader because they instill clear pictures and feelings in the reader's mind, allowing them to further sympathize with the narrator, and better understand her writing purpose.---This is connection to audience, but you never explain the meaning of the metaphors.
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Reyna Lee
11/10/2021 07:43:04 am
I agree and like how you mentioned how she always brings up "ice" metaphors. It brings a lot of imagery and shows how she really feels numb. I never thought of it this way.
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Jack Vuong
11/11/2021 09:09:23 pm
To add on, Janice Mirkitani uses another metaphor to convey an apology to her parents for not fulfilling their expectations, From lines 31-34, Mirikitani compares herself—a woman—to a bird:
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Asenya Mobae
11/5/2021 05:39:33 am
In the Poem “Suicide Note” Janice Mirikitani uses repetition to achieve her purpose of explaining why students commit suicide. By writing this she is showing how big of a problem suicide is in Asian culture, and that it needs to be addressed. Mirikitani uses repetition multiple times in her poem, but mostly to emphasize the idea that Asian girls, in particular, feel as though they are not enough. She repeats the line “not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough” or “not good enough not strong enough…”. This shows that many young Asian women do not believe that they are enough for their families. Especially because they are seen as lesser than men. In Asian culture, men are revered and are seen as strong, smart, and everything that women cannot be. The constant idea of being compared to men brings even more stress on young women and makes them feel like they will never be enough simply because they were born a girl. They become extremely critical of themselves, eventually bringing them to the idea of their deaths. She also repeats the line “I apologize…”, another example of the helplessness many students feel. By repeating it Mirikitani is giving us a window into the mind of these young students, that they truly felt the need to apologize for not reaching the goals their parents had set for them, and because of that, they feel like they have become a total disappointment.
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July
11/8/2021 09:43:32 am
This shows---stronger verb
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Lauren Ramos
11/8/2021 02:25:11 pm
You did a good job on your paragraph, I agree with what you have said in it. You expressed the repetition and evidence well in your paragraph of why these students commit suicide. Though using stronger verbs would add better emphasis, and explanation of how this might affect parents perspective.
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Takara Byrum
11/11/2021 08:06:27 pm
I really like how you didn't just talk about the pressure young Asian American's feel about not meeting their parents expectations about grades, and that you specifically mentioned Asian American GIRLS not meeting their parents expectations of being a boy.
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11/5/2021 06:05:02 am
In the suicide note, The narrator uses the repetition of “Not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough,” in order to emphasize how ashamed she feels for not meeting her parent’s standards. Throughout the poem, she repeats self-degrading phrases such as, “Not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough,” after each stanza. She also individually breaks down why she is not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough in the middle of the poem. “So I have worked hard. Not good enough,” no matter how hard she works she’s still not able to reach her parent’s standards. Then she states she’s not strong enough because she is a woman, not a man. “Perched on the ledge of my womanhood, fragile as wings. Not strong enough.” For the phrase “Not smart enough,” she relates herself to an unintelligent bird that tried to fly in bad weather, to represent herself trying to reach her parent’s unreachable standards. “Surely not good weather for flying - this sparrow sillied and dizzied by the wind on the edge. Not smart enough.” With the repetition of self-degrading phrases, she apologizes to her parents and expresses shame.
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Jennifer Dintu
11/7/2021 09:36:56 am
You did a good job using and explaining evidence. Mirikitani did use repetition and you explained well of how repetition is used to emphasize her being ashamed for not meeting her parent´s expectations. I also talked about individually breaking down the "not good enough not smart enough not strong enough" and I can say you did a well job explaining. Overall, I like your paragraph and especially the claim statement. Good job.
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takara byrum
11/11/2021 07:44:54 pm
Thank you Jennifer!
July
11/8/2021 11:17:45 am
This was good, but you forgot the second part of commentary: how does it impact the reader (her parents)?
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Devan Shah
11/5/2021 06:12:32 am
Janice Mirikitani utilizes metaphors to portray her purpose in explaining why Asian-American students commit suicide. Mirikitani addresses the problems of her culture with a fake suicide note. In the suicide note, metaphors were used heavily and demonstrated reasons why she was not the ideal child her parents could have had. She organized them in concise sentences, "Each failure, a glacier. Each disapproval, a bootprint. Each disappointment, ice above my river." Mirikitani expresses the thoughts of an Asian-American teenager thinking about their parents' beliefs. This presents the basis for why Asian-Americans commit suicide; they cannot live up to their parents' hopes and are unwanting of punishment for not achieving the goals made for them. Mirikitani compares Asian-Americans to birds with a metaphor expressing that they feel like they failed their parents who had extremely high standards for her. "It is snowing steadily surely not good weather for flying - this sparrow sillied and dizzied by the wind on the edge. not smart enough. I make this ledge my altar to offer penance." Mirikitani's use of this metaphor creates a sullen mood because this woman is offering herself to her parents to make up for all the “mistakes” she made being their dim-witted daughter. This leads back to Mirikitani’s purpose of this suicide note, to show why Asian American students commit suicide. This metaphor shows how the student feels like they failed their parents, so they need to offer their life to make up for it.
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andreea
11/8/2021 06:20:08 am
I would also like to add the fact that she contrasts herself and her if she were male with these metaphors. In her first stanza, she states that if she had been born a son, "shoulders broad as the sunset threading through pine, I would see the light in my mother's eyes, or the golden pride reflected in my father's dream." This contrasts with her icy portrayal of herself. "It is snowing steadily
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Vanetta July
11/8/2021 11:22:14 am
She organized them in concise sentences, "Each failure, a glacier. Each disapproval, a bootprint. Each disappointment, ice above my river."---Explain the metaphors.
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Amy Zeledon
11/5/2021 06:14:53 am
The narrator uses metaphor and similes and metaphors to convey her message of apologizing for not having a 4.0 GPA and not being born a boy to her parents who are her audience.
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Vanetta July
11/8/2021 11:34:07 am
The narrator uses metaphor and similes and metaphors to convey her message of apologizing for not having a 4.0 GPA and not being born a boy to her parents who are her audience.----Very wordy. Follow the format for claim statement given in class.
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Ambar G
11/5/2021 06:19:53 am
The narrator uses simile to convey her purpose of apologizing to her parents for not being able to achieve their goal. “It is snowing steadily, surely not good weather for flying- this sparrow sillied and dizzied by the wind on the edge.” by comparing herself to a sparrow who is being weighed down by the weather , she expresses how she is being weighed down by all the pressure she has from her parents. “This air will not hold me, the snow burns my crippled wings, my tears drop like bitter cloth softly into the gutter.'' She keeps comparing herself to a fragile bird, that shows that she feels like she is also fragile, not strong enough, she feels like she can't hold herself anymore and she can't keep going. By using these similes she shows her parents how them never appreciating her efforts and being so strict made her feel like she needed to apologize for not achieving their goals. The similes she used also made her apology more impactful and heartfelt since they portray her feelings.
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Emily P
11/7/2021 05:41:11 pm
I agree, and would like to add that the narrator’s comparison of herself to a fragile bird also relates to how she feels as though she wasn’t meant to live past her transition to adolescence, believing living as a woman and constantly disappointing her parents was worse than if she just gave up and let a new son take her place:
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Vanetta July
11/8/2021 11:36:28 am
“This air will not hold me, the snow burns my crippled wings, my tears drop like bitter cloth softly into the gutter.''---Explain the metaphor and simile.
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Takara byrum
11/11/2021 07:55:43 pm
Yes, I agree with what you said about the comparison of herself to a weak bird made her apology feel deeper, but I think it was more of a metaphor than a simile. Also liked the quotes you chose to use.
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Emily P
11/5/2021 06:24:49 am
The narrator of “Suicide Note”, by Janice Mirikitani, uses varied long, short, and broken syntax to convey her apology to her parents in her poem, for not having a perfect 4.0 GPA and for not being born a boy. Longer lines are used to emphasize that she believes she’ll never live up to the expectations of her parents, never earning the pride they’d have if she was born a son. Shorter lines reflect thoughts in quick succession, as if they fill her every waking moment, the harsh self-criticism of failing to overcome all the obstacles she faced with perfection flooding her thoughts, the never ending torment of never being able to satisfy her own high expectations of themselves since she could understand the concept, implications that being born a son would have made her parents prouder of her then they are now:
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andreea
11/8/2021 06:15:13 am
I would also like to add that she describes that she is not "worthy of work and comfort," as if she feels that she wasn't supposed to be able to work or to feel anything other than the agony she was in before her death because she was born a female. She felt she was predisposed to fall, and her longest lines, the "not good enough not strong enough not good enough"s emphasize that this process of 'atonement' will continue long after her.
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Vanetta July
11/8/2021 11:42:03 am
My only suggestion might have been to break up your evidence and put each before each commentary that applies to it.
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Lauren Ramos
11/5/2021 06:25:46 am
In the poem “Suicide Note”, Janice Mirikitani uses syntax and repetition to convey the reason of Asian Americans parents' pressure and high standard expectations are one of the leading causes of students' depression and committing suicide. In the Poem “Suicide note” we read of an Asian American college student who had great amounts of pressure put on her, trying to keep at the top of her grades to please her parents, but her efforts were not enough which lead to her committing suicide. Of that being Mirikitani’s reason for why these standards need to be changed. Mirikitani uses the repetition of “ not good enough not strong enough not smart enough”, the quote illustrates the repetition of her thoughts that nothing she does will be enough to please her parents. Using syntax by adding this into the end of each stanza and every few lines gives the effect of why they are seen as not good enough in their parents eyes and leading to the repeating “sorries” of not being “good enough, strong enough, or smart enough”.Mirikitani uses the narration of a female Asian American demonstrates the greater amount of pressure she is given “ If only I were a son...I would see the light in my mother's eyes, or the golden pride reflected in my father's dream” illustrating how parents are biased with their female children and male children. Using the metaphor “perched on the ledge of my womanhood, fragile as wings”. Demonstrating the parents favoring the men and putting out less pressure than on the women who are given more pressure and are born to fail, to never be successful. Mirikitani also uses syntax to add that parents view their female children as broken and failures, adding in broken lines and shorter lines of the narrator who was a woman. Mirikitani expresses the expectations and pressure that have led to students self blaming and apologies for not being enough for parents, “I make this ledge my altar to offer penance.” and “on my broken body, covers me like whispers of sorries.” This emphasizes that all the expectations and pressure had led to self-blaming and asking for forgiveness in apologies because the student had not been able to get approval or surpass the expectations of parents. Being the problem Mirikitani illustrates that parents should be supporting their children through life but instead parents put pressure on their children leading them committing suicide.
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Vanetta July
11/8/2021 12:22:49 pm
Using syntax ----I think you mean repetition.
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Asenya Mobae
11/11/2021 12:34:16 pm
I like how you used syntax and repetition to convey the purpose of the poem. But I think you could have connected the two rhetorical strategies better, in a way that made them flow not just listing them. You may have also been meaning one strategy but said the other. But aside from that, I think your paragraph was beautifully written and your quotes were clearly explained and tied back to your overall purpose.
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Eli Pomykacz
11/5/2021 06:30:39 am
In Suicide Note by Janice Mirikitani, Mirikitani uses repetition to achieve her purpose of explaining why students commit suicide. Mirikitani repeated the phrase “not smart enough” throughout the note and explains different reasons of why she is not smart enough, like how she explains that she worked very hard on her education but she still felt like she disappointed her because it wasn't good enough. Another example of repetition used by Mirikitani is when she said “not strong enough” after she explained how if she were a man then her parents would have been more proud of her by saying “If only I were a son, shoulders broad as the sunset threading through pine, I would see the light in my mother's eyes, or the golden pride reflected in my father's dream”. By repeating these phrases, Mirikitani helped indicate reasons on why students may be committing suicide, such as being stressed over their grades or not being confident enough to be themselves.
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finna young
11/7/2021 05:52:54 pm
i agree with your idea that she was supporting her claim/purpose through the examples of her trying her very best, and still not being good enough on the academic nor gender front. i also agree that repetition is one of the biggest rhetorical strategies used in this piece, because she repeats those phrases (" not pretty enough", "not smart enough", "not good enough" over and over throughout the text, them being the main focal, and the rest being reasoning.
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Vanetta July
11/8/2021 12:26:14 pm
and explains different reasons of why she is not smart enough, like how she explains that she worked very hard on her education but she still felt like she disappointed her because it wasn't good enough. ----Impact on audience?
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Reece
11/12/2021 06:31:10 am
I think that the purpose is unclear and that her purpose is more to want change and release some of the pressures on these students.Your purpose claim is more of a message in my opinion because it is what she is explaining not the change that she is trying to make.
Nicole Vastis
11/5/2021 06:44:48 am
In the poem "Suicide Note," Janice Mirikitani uses the metaphors and similies of snow and the repetition of the phrases "not good enough" and "not smart enough" to explain why students commit suicide. Mirikitani refers to notes as snow drifting "on [her] broken body, cover[ing her] like whispers of sorries." She never explicitly specifies what kind of notes they are; however, earlier in the poem, Mirikitani writes, "the snow burdens my crippled wings" and "it is snowing steadily, surely not good weather for flying..." This metaphor can mean the notes are one of two things. The "notes" can be from classes she didn't do well in, thereby letting her parents down. They could also be past suicide notes she had written and torn up, implying that she had attempted to commit suicide before. Additionally, Mirikitani repeats phrases with the structure "not ____ enough," like "not good enough" or "not strong enough." She explains why she's not good enough to continue living, saying, "Tasks do not come easily... not good enough." The metaphors of snow and ice recur in this section as well, relating "each failure [to] a glacier, each disapproval [to] a bootprint, each disappointment [to] ice above [her] river."
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Vanetta July
11/9/2021 09:32:54 am
A few things, you indicated that you were supposed to write about the author's perspective, but you were writing from the narrator's perspective. Second, you never discuss impact on audience. Third, you did not explain the last metaphor.
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Asenya Mobae
11/11/2021 03:26:31 pm
I agree with your idea that metaphors, similes, and repetition were used to explain Mirikitani's purpose. I also like how explained the quotes, like explaining what she meant by "notes" in the poem. You tie your quotes with the purpose very well and have a clear explanation to them all. I also like how you tie metaphors and repetition together at the end to relate to your purpose.
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andreea
11/5/2021 06:54:09 am
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Vanetta July
11/11/2021 08:34:25 am
Really good.
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Jaden
11/5/2021 07:28:09 am
The narrator uses pathos and metaphors of a bird in her “Suicide Note” to communicate her purpose of apologizing to her parents for not achieving their dreams as well as not being “good enough” for them like a boy would have been. From start to finish, the narrator utilizes quotes like “I apologize for disappointing you. I’ve worked very hard, not good enough” and “I apologize. Tasks do not come easily. Each failure… Each disapproval… Each disappointment… So I have worked hard. Not good enough” in order to make her audience feel the emotion of guilt and sorrow. The use of pathos helps readers to understand that she is in a state of extreme emotion due to the hard work she puts in to please her parents although she receives ridicule in return. These quotes prove her purpose of apologizing to her parents for being a disappointment to them by making them feel as if her suicide was their fault. Pathos from start to finish was used to create a sense of emotion in the audience: “If only I were a son, shoulder broad, as the sunset setting through pine… the golden pride reflected in my father's dream.” Later in the note, the narrator says “Perhaps when they find me they will bury my bird bone beneath a sturdy pine.” These quotes imply that just because she was not a boy, “... muscled and bold and assured… virile with confidence” she is still worthy of respect and praise. She asserts that the audience will not be aware of this until she is buried in the ground. This impacts the parents of the narrator emotionally making them feel instantaneous regret for their actions and regards leading to their daughter's death. The narrator's insertion of metaphors all through the poem, more specifically relating to birds and flight, implies that she is not strong enough and that she is going to “make this ledge my altar to offer penance. This air will not hold me, the snow burdens my crippled wings.” This quote means that she is going to follow through with voluntary self-punishment for her acts of disappointment. The metaphors allow the audience to further understand that she committed this suicide because of the pressure that her parents placed on her as well as the disapproval they showed.
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Vanetta July
11/11/2021 08:36:33 am
Really well written.
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Swan
11/5/2021 07:31:20 am
The narrator utilizes metaphors and syntax to convey her purpose as to why she apologizes to her parents for not having a four-point. Not only is she apologizing for not having a four-point grade average, but she's also apologizing for not being born male, not being good enough, and not being smart enough. The narrator is convinced she's a failure, and that there is nothing for her to do to complete the satisfaction of her parents. The narrator said, ¨...perched on the ledge of my womanhood. Fragile as wings, not strong enough,¨ being born female makes her pre-exposed to failure. In some cultures, being male means being revered and having an upper hand. People tend to think that men are more likely to be successful in their own future along with their families. The narrator also compared her failures to a glacier: ¨Each failure, a glacier¨ Every time she fails at something, all her previous failures keep stacking up reminding her how many times she couldn't be successful and her failure ¨pile¨ keeps getting bigger. The narrator compares herself to a bird with broken wings flying in the cold: ¨This air will not hold me, the snow burdens my cripple wings,¨ her broken ¨wings¨ are compared to her potential for succeeding represented by a bird with crippled wings flying through the rough snowy air. In the poem, the last half demonstrates syntax. The narrator spaces out the last few stanzas more than the rest because it informs the reader that she's now having staggered breaths and she’s now dying. Also, the last sentence says ¨breast of earth.¨ this sentence is telling the reader that she just died and is now going up. This is her outcome for not accomplishing her goal but also her parents for not receiving a four-point grade average.
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Lauren Ramos
11/8/2021 02:36:29 pm
You paragraph is really good! Though I would suggest adding more explanation of the affect the syntax used on the narrators purpose and her parents, or to why it was important to the narrators idea. The metaphors have good explanation in your paragraph as well.
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Vanetta July
11/11/2021 08:48:49 am
You never talked about impact on audience for any of your examples.
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Aliyah
11/5/2021 07:32:16 am
Janice Mirikitani uses Metaphors to illustrate her purpose of apologize to her audience being her parents for not being good enough, strong enough, or smart enough for them. In the second stanza of the poem she uses the metaphor of comparing herself to a fragile bird “Fragile as wings. Not strong enough” exemplifying how she sees herself as not strong enough. Being that the narrator already views woman as being weaker she says “If only I were a son, shoulders broad as the sunset threading through pine, I would see the light in my mother’s eyes” apologizing for not being what her parents wanted, which was for her to be a son. Later going on to say “My sacrifice I will drop bone by bone on the ledge of my womanhood” conveying to her parents that she knows that she will never be any of the things that they wanted from her for being predisposed to failure being a woman. The narrator says “Perhaps when they find me they will bury my bird bones beneath a sturdy pine” asking herself that maybe if shes gone they will respect her, for not being they boy that her parents wanted.
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Addison Carnow
11/7/2021 09:26:02 am
I agree with your ideas about the text, because I liked how you described the metaphors she used and explained what they meant. The metaphors about being a fragile bird were really important, and you helped me understand them and realize why Mirikitani used them. Although one thing I would improve is the end of your paragraph, as it seems to end on a weird note. Overall though great interpretation of the text!
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Vanetta July
11/11/2021 08:52:17 am
Janice Mirikitani uses Metaphors to illustrate her purpose of apologize to her audience being her parents for not being good enough, strong enough, or smart enough for them.----Janice is not the narrator; she is the author with a different purpose.
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Reece
11/12/2021 06:28:33 am
I like the metaphor that you chose and the explanation that you provided. The fragile as wings metaphor was really powerful in explaining how she is not "strong enough."
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Yamilet
11/5/2021 07:37:02 am
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Ambar g
11/6/2021 07:50:02 pm
i like your paragraph but i think that you could have explained the evidenced you used in the beginning better “ that she is too weak to fly like a bird in a storm that can barely move trapped in snow” i think that you keep using the metaphor instead of explaining it, for example you could have said something like” she feels like she also weak and that she is trapped by all the pressure she has from her parents” but you paragraph was good.
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Vanetta July
11/11/2021 09:09:43 am
“Each failure… Each disapproval… Each disappointment” these words bring an unpleasant feeling, how everything she did was always not good enough for her parents.---very generalized.
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Betsy
11/5/2021 10:50:15 am
The narrator uses syntax to illustrate the purpose of apologizing to her parents for not being the best, and for not having a 4.0 GPA. “if only I were a son” not only does she apologize for that but is apologizing for not being born as a male not being, smart enough, strong enough .“not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough” to emphasize the narrator couldn't meet her parent's expectations as a female she was in a dark place, depressed of not having the garde that her parents wanted her to have. the narrator was convinced, blaming herself that she’s a failure “tasks do not come easily, each failure, a glacier”. No matter how much she tries she is still going to be a failure because women will always be failures, she thinks to herself that she will never be successful. The narrator uses syntax by putting short and spaced-out sentences in her note towards the end of the poem to show how she cannot deal with life anymore. She gives up hope. Also when she says “breast of earth” the moment that she committed suicide and hit the ground and die, as too disappointing for her parents not to have high grades as they expected, being born as a girl.
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Jennifer Dintu
11/7/2021 09:42:56 am
I think you could have included the evidence in the second sentence a little bit different so that it could have flowed better. You have good reasoning and explanations but might have worded it a bit different. When you talk about not being a son and then go on saying also not being born a male, that´s almost the same thing so you could have worded that differently. Overall, I think you did well and I especially like your last sentence. I like how you include the quote "breast of earth" and then went ahead with explaining that it meant she finally gave up. Good job using evidence correctly just need to word it differently.
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Vanetta July
11/11/2021 09:11:36 am
apologize for that ----apologize for what?
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Amy Zeledon
11/11/2021 01:35:04 pm
I agree with your idea on how the narrator uses short syntax; “tasks do not come easily. Each failure, a glacier” to illustrate her struggle and failure in life to bring attention towards her parents in her struggle. I would have elaborated in her initial statement, “if only I were born a boy” with adding how she uses the syntax of describing being born a boy with “if a were born a son, shoulder broad as the sunset threading through pine, I would see the light in my mother's eyes, or the golden pride reflected in my fathers dreams…” to elaborate how positive it would have been to be born a boy, how she could have meet her parents expectations in long sentences in contrast to the second statement of describing herself with shorter sentences.
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Reece Jeong-Hoon Donahue
11/12/2021 04:56:55 am
Janice Miritkitani uses varying syntax and self-inflicting diction to illustrate her message that expectations set to high by parents can lead to students suicide. Throughout the poem, Miritkitani builds up phrases, “not good enough… not strong enough… not smart enough,” and completes the first two stanzas with these phrases. Miritkitani uses short cut off sentences like, “I apologize,” “each failure, a glacier,” to build up to the end statement in the first two stanzas. She does this to provide emphasis on the last statement in the stanzas,”not good enough not strong enough not smart enough,” because she is trying to make it prominent in the poem. This is important to the poem because not being good enough, strong enough, or smart enough, is the outline that Miritkitani builds her message off of that these expectations set on students are too much of a burden on them. Miritkitani also uses self-inflicting diction to develop a despairing tone to describe different faults of students. The word choice in the poem have both strong connotative and denotative meaning that deploys regret in the actions and asks for forgiveness from the parents. An example of her use of diction is, “I apologize for disappointing you,” the dictionary definition of disappointing is to fail to fulfill someone’s hopes or expectations, which Miritkitani uses to her advantage to show how students who commit suicide feel about their shortcomings. Miritkitani also uses the connotative meaning of the word disappointing to develop student’s reasonings for suicide because of pressure put on them from parents. Disappointing provides an unhappy connotative meaning and Miritkitani uses the connotative meaning to tie it to the message because the heavy, lingering disappointment that parents place on students cause to much pressure and stress, then eventually lead to students suicide.
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Vanetta July
12/9/2021 01:00:00 pm
One of your best.
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